It has been awhile since I have posted. I guess there is not much to post but the obvious.It's about how we are doing as a family during this time that we are trying to find a new way to live. It is not easy.We are stumbling a lot or should I say I am. I know this is hard for the boy's even though they are not as forth coming with their feelings as I am. We talk of Caitlyn daily about different things she once did or how she might react to something that has happened with us. We find our self laughing and it feels good to remember the fun times with her.
We have suffered another loss just a few weeks ago. Jason's Uncle Mike passed away from a brain tumor. He was diagnosed about 3 months before Caitlyn was diagnosed. They both had different tumors but were both given the same prognosis about a year to live. Caitlyn and Mike went through radiation at the same time. It helped her feel more comfortable knowing he was going through it as well. We saw him quite a lot this summer and Caitlyn was drawn to him. She said he was Santa. He really did look like santa with his white beard. The two of them had a special connection. I know they are together now looking down on us and watching over us.
It hits me everyday I wake up how life goes on and nothing stops. Even with us Caitlyn passed on a Friday, we buried her on Saturday, the boys celebrated their 8Th birthday on Sunday, then had a party on Monday with friends. There are times that I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself as a mother who has lost her only daughter. This is not my life, this couldn't of happened to me. I still think I must be dreaming and some how I will wake up from this long painful sleep. I laugh and smile on the outside these days because the inside is to painful to show the rest of the world.
Life does go on and we are left here without our sweet Caitlyn. We are left to feel the pain of her absence while we try to live and not just exist. I know when people see us they want to ask how are you? Well I know you already know the answer to that question, so don't ask it. Instead tell us something you remember about Caitlyn. If you want to say something but don't know what to say recall a memory about her or just say her name. To hear her name may bring tears to my eyes but they are tears of joy that she is on others minds.
She is now full of the knowledge that we are all searching for but will never know the answers to until we are in heaven.
There have been some children that I have followed and kept in touch with that have passed.It breaks my heart just like they were my own Caitlyn. I guess because I know to well what they are going through and it is devastating. If you could please keep their family's in your prayers. Mara Adams, Mariah Klein, and just today Caitlyn Cotton passed away. If you could visit Caitlyn's site and let their family know you are thinking of them. Caitlyn Cotton was only diagnosed 1 month ago. So this has been very sudden for this family.
www.caringbridge.org/visit/caitlyncotton
Thank you for following our story and remembering Caitlyn. Thank you to everyone who has sent us cards in the past few weeks remembering her. We received a packet of cards today from the 6Th grade girl scouts troop at St.Theresa's school. Patrick read them all to me and asked why I was crying? I told him because people are thinking of Caitlyn and that makes me happy. Thank you to our family, friends and school St. Theresa's for showing us so much love and support.
The Churak Family
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