This last week has been the best week that we have all shared together in such a long time. There were changes in Caitlyn long before she was diagnosed with her brain tumor. The doctors have told me that Caitlyn's tumor has not been there very long; but I think what ever chemical imbalance that lead to the growth of cancer started with in the past year.
It was never anything medical; but something just seemed off with her. Nothing I could put my finger more of a gut feeling.I remember just before her symptoms started to show, thinking the tone of her voice didn't sound familiar and it hadn't for some time. Something about her spirit did not seem happy or at peace.I'm not one who goes around getting in tune with people's spirit and soul. I don't even go to church as much as I should. ( I do now ). I believe, however, a mother has a special gift to see inside their child. That doesn't mean we recognize it every time we see something wrong; and it may take us time to react on it; but we feel things.
I have felt so much in these past four weeks that I can only believe that this is all part of Gods plan. On May 23 my life changed forever, I changed forever. I will never look at the world again the same way. When Caitlyn was diagnosed with an inoperable cancer that gave her very little chance for survival I immediately mourned for my losses. All of the things that should have been for her. I mourned for all of the things I wanted to do with her. I cried for losses of my hopes and dreams for her. I couldn't close my eyes at night. because images of her would rush in of all the things that we had done, and all things that were still to come. The first week I cried and begged God to save Caitlyn. I asked over and over and over again to make her his miracle.
I still ask God to make her his miracle but I also know how many children are out there with cancer and other terminal diseases that need a miracle also. I see these children at the hospital and I see the looks on the parents faces and realized they are all asking for the same thing. I now pray less selfishly, just as hard for those children as I do my own. I wonder if Gods plan was to open my eyes to other people's pains. Sure I know terrible things happen and you feel sympathy for people but unless you walk through the pain you can't truly sympathize with them. You can only feel sympathy.
That's why we are adding other links to our site. Of other children who are suffering as well. I know we are not the only parents that are suffering and Caitlyn is not the only child with a terminal disease. I think in sharing information will help us realize there are so many others are in need.
Caitlyn's symptoms have cleared up dramatically; and the best gift is that her soul and spirit has returned. I truly feel like she has returned from a long vacation and we are getting to know each other again. This past week has been like getting reacquainted with an old friend. I know no matter how all this ends just having her spirit back is gift from God. I would have not said that four weeks ago. I would have wanted the whole package along with a promise of forever. I'm not saying I'm not asking for that; but I do recognize what God has given me this week, and for that I am truly grateful. Caitln is a gift and we are blessed to have her back.
Thank you to everyone for all the positive thoughts and prayers you have been sending.. I know you all have prayers of your own that need answering, and I want you to know that you are all in my prayers as well.
Kara Churak & family
