Well this is lesson 529, that Caitlyn has taught me in the last 9 months. I have been dreading every birthday that I have had since I turned 30. I look in the mirror and concentrate on the lines in my face or the toll that life has put on me in my appearance and think Oh I can't believe I'm another year older with great dread and remorse. I think of treaments I could have to remove some of those birthdays, but only contemplate them because it may seem too vain. But I just want to erase those years that have been given to me.
Well after celebrating Caitlyn's 6th birthday with her in good health it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been taking the years on my face for granted. Thinking about how I can erase them. How I can take back time. Realizing I have been taking all my birthdays for granted. Approaching each one after a certain age with fear and regret. All Caitlyn can talk about is her next birthday. She asks how long till she turns 7? She is already planning her next party and what she wants.
OK GOD I'm tired of learning lessons. This one is a Doozy. Yes, I see the joy of each year. I will no longer dread another birthday. I will thank you for each day that I have here with the ones I love. I will no longer look in the mirror and concentrate on how time is showing in my face. Instead I will be thankful that you have given me this time and these lines. How can we dread getting older when there are so many children who's only thought is how long till my next birthday. And their chances of having another birthday are very slim. Birthdays are a gift and I never realized that before now.
So happy birthday to Caitlyn for reaching 6 and may we enjoy many more years with you.
Love,
MOM and DAD
To see some pix:
www.caitlynchurak.com/indexfiles/photo6.htm
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Thursday, March 20, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY CAITLYN
Caitlyn had a great birthday yesterday and we loved every minute of it. She has something special planned for the next 4 days. Birthdays can't just last one day. So we will be celebrating till Sunday. Thank you for all the nice messages you have sent Caitlyn she has enjoyed them. I will post some birthday pictures in a few days.
Caitlyn's treatment went well on Tuesday and she is feeling fine. She is a little on the cranky side which is trying on everyones emotions but we just all take a lot of deep breaths and thank God for the moment with her.
Kara
Caitlyn's treatment went well on Tuesday and she is feeling fine. She is a little on the cranky side which is trying on everyones emotions but we just all take a lot of deep breaths and thank God for the moment with her.
Kara
Saturday, March 8, 2008
We are not cheated we are gifted
People ask me all the time how are you doing? What I cover up my response with is, "Oh we're doing ok and Caitlyn is feeling good." Because there are no words to explain how you are doing when you know that your child is dying. It is only a short matter of time until all the treatments they have out there will no longer have any effect on her. It is hard for us to wrap our minds around all this when she appears relatively fine. I do see some things personality wise about her have started to change. But to answer the other question we get a lot. I don't know how you carry on? Well we follow her lead she is happy and just wants to have fun so we try and do the same thing. She is here with us now we have to enjoy her. There is no time for sorrow and only private crying. We will have eternity to grieve but a only short time to embrace the now.
This weekend the kids are at my parents house 45 min away in Wisconsin and it is taking all of my energy to not go up their and bring them back home. I miss them so much. But I know other people need to be with her as much as we do. I feel I have grown so much in these past 9 months and have learned to look at things differently. When Caitlyn was diagnosed I was devastated with the thought of losing her and I was feeling cheated. I would not get the chance to experience what I have been looking forward to since she was born, the things that I Cherish the most with my mother and that is a life full of all the wonderful mother daughter experiences. I now know there is more to life then that and that is just not in the cards for everyone. God sent Caitlyn here to touch the hearts of others, make them see a different side of themselves, to make people reevaluate what is important in life. And hopefully with her trial experiences to help the doctors get closer to a cure. That is what I have to remember she was sent here for. To remind myself that God has chosen her as a special Angel to touch others makes my heart feel less heavy and not cheated but rather gifted.
This weekend the kids are at my parents house 45 min away in Wisconsin and it is taking all of my energy to not go up their and bring them back home. I miss them so much. But I know other people need to be with her as much as we do. I feel I have grown so much in these past 9 months and have learned to look at things differently. When Caitlyn was diagnosed I was devastated with the thought of losing her and I was feeling cheated. I would not get the chance to experience what I have been looking forward to since she was born, the things that I Cherish the most with my mother and that is a life full of all the wonderful mother daughter experiences. I now know there is more to life then that and that is just not in the cards for everyone. God sent Caitlyn here to touch the hearts of others, make them see a different side of themselves, to make people reevaluate what is important in life. And hopefully with her trial experiences to help the doctors get closer to a cure. That is what I have to remember she was sent here for. To remind myself that God has chosen her as a special Angel to touch others makes my heart feel less heavy and not cheated but rather gifted.
It feels therapeutic to put my thoughts down and know that people care. Please pray for all the angels here on earth that were sent to touch others life's. They have such an important job but it comes at a great cost for the family's who have to let them go to heaven.
Kara
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
02/27/08
Hello Everyone-
Kara is going to try to post; but with three kids it is hard to get to the computer.
Monday was another very long tiring day at the hospital. Caitlyn and her Dad left early in the morning to get down to the hospital for the MRI. Her Mom got the boys off to school and then met them at the hospital.
The last MRI the doctors saw a slight increase in the tumor but the MRI was classified as stable. This MRI shows additional growth and the doctors are now classifying the MRI as PD - progressive disease.
The good news is that usually when a DIPG tumor starts to grow the growth is very fast and aggressive; but in Caitlyn's case the growth is slow. This indicates that her current treatment protocol is at least slowing the tumor down. Also she is not showing any symptoms that indicate that the tumor is affecting her balance, vision, or reflexes etc.
There is not another clinical trial open at this time, so the plan is to continue on the same treatment plan. The next MRI is scheduled in 4 weeks.
Please pray that God will stand with the family and give them hope in this battle. Please keep Caitlyn, Kara, Jason, Patrick and Jackson in your prayers.
Thank you,
Margaret Donahue
Kara is going to try to post; but with three kids it is hard to get to the computer.
Monday was another very long tiring day at the hospital. Caitlyn and her Dad left early in the morning to get down to the hospital for the MRI. Her Mom got the boys off to school and then met them at the hospital.
The last MRI the doctors saw a slight increase in the tumor but the MRI was classified as stable. This MRI shows additional growth and the doctors are now classifying the MRI as PD - progressive disease.
The good news is that usually when a DIPG tumor starts to grow the growth is very fast and aggressive; but in Caitlyn's case the growth is slow. This indicates that her current treatment protocol is at least slowing the tumor down. Also she is not showing any symptoms that indicate that the tumor is affecting her balance, vision, or reflexes etc.
There is not another clinical trial open at this time, so the plan is to continue on the same treatment plan. The next MRI is scheduled in 4 weeks.
Please pray that God will stand with the family and give them hope in this battle. Please keep Caitlyn, Kara, Jason, Patrick and Jackson in your prayers.
Thank you,
Margaret Donahue
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
02/20/08
We enjoyed a great long weekend at the Wisconsin Dells. This was our 5th Annual trip to the Dells with my parents and brothers family. This is a trip that we did not think we would be taking this year. It was almost surreal to be playing in the water for three days as if nothing was wrong. What a difference a day makes or in our case 9 months. On February 22, it will be 9 months since Caitlyn's diagnosis. Nine months since we were told she would not be here in 9 months.
She has proven to be a miracle, to be one of the lucky ones. We don't take it for granted and we know that things could change at any time. This is a change we don't want to think about or face. So for now we are rejoicing in the fact that we get to plan a 6th birthday party for her. We are so thankful, that we can spend another day in good health with her; and that we can hug and kiss her without sadness.
Please say prayer for Caitlyn this weekend as she will be going in for her MRI on Monday.
Thank you,
Kara, Jason, Patrick, Jackson, and Caitlyn
She has proven to be a miracle, to be one of the lucky ones. We don't take it for granted and we know that things could change at any time. This is a change we don't want to think about or face. So for now we are rejoicing in the fact that we get to plan a 6th birthday party for her. We are so thankful, that we can spend another day in good health with her; and that we can hug and kiss her without sadness.
Please say prayer for Caitlyn this weekend as she will be going in for her MRI on Monday.
Thank you,
Kara, Jason, Patrick, Jackson, and Caitlyn
Monday, February 11, 2008
02/11/08
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****If you would like to be notified when this blog is updated please send an email to: update@caitlynchurak.com
Kara asked me to post for her today. It was after 7p and they were just heading home. Kara said Jason was driving and traffic was not too bad considering the snow. Today was a treatment day, and another long day at CMH. Overall, Caitlyn is doing well. She remains stable and she is still on the avastin/irinotecan trial.
Kara said Caitlyn had a rough day today. She got sick today; but seemed to be doing ok on the ride home. Hopefully it just means the chemo is doing what it is supposed to do. She goes back in two weeks for treatment and an MRI.
Thank you for keeping Caitlyn and the Churaks in your prayers. Please pray that Caitlyn bounces back from this treatment and feels better as soon as possible. Please also pray for positive results on the next MRI. I know Kara reads the guestbook signatures to Caitlyn so thanks also for all the kind notes.
Kara said Caitlyn had a rough day today. She got sick today; but seemed to be doing ok on the ride home. Hopefully it just means the chemo is doing what it is supposed to do. She goes back in two weeks for treatment and an MRI.
Thank you for keeping Caitlyn and the Churaks in your prayers. Please pray that Caitlyn bounces back from this treatment and feels better as soon as possible. Please also pray for positive results on the next MRI. I know Kara reads the guestbook signatures to Caitlyn so thanks also for all the kind notes.
I saw Caitlyn about a week ago and she was doing well. During my visit, she insisted on putting on her Minnie Mouse costume, complete with gloves and ears (see cute pix).
Thanks again for the prayers,
-Margaret Donahue
-Margaret Donahue
****If you would like to be notified when this blog is updated please send an email to: update@caitlynchurak.com
Friday, February 1, 2008
02/01/2008
http://www.abta.org/3rd Annual
Brain Tumor Path to Progress
5K Run/Walk
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Montrose Harbor,
Chicago Race time 10 am
Details about
Team Caitlyn
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