There is never enough time in a day, week, month, year, or life time to say goodbye to someone you love. Someone who shares your heart. The year that we were given to say goodbye to Caitlyn has gone by so fast. I try and remind myself that God blessed us with time but my feelings of gratitude come and go with my heartache. I try and remind myself that some people lose a loved one in a sudden accident and never have the time to process it or say all the things they wanted to say to that person. With that thought in mind I try and tell Caitlyn as much as I can but it still feels like it's not enough. She has not lived enough to understand all the things I want to share with her.
The hardest part is trying to prepare her for where she is going. Telling her of all the people she will have waiting for her. This is hard for me because I won't be there yet, with her. She is very attached to me at this time calling my name every second I'm away from her. Even when I'm sitting with her she still says "Mom, Mom". And it is usually followed by "Mom can I tell you something? I love you." I did break down and cry a little too much today as she really seemed out of it. However she very clearly told me to "build a bridge and get over it." To which I responded, "I will but it is going to be a veeeery long bridge, that will take a long time to build, and it will be a long journey to cross it. But don't worry we will be OK when you need to go. Just don't forget to say goodbye one last time to us, and we will all say goodbye to you and let you fly. You have fulfilled everything in your 6 years of life that it takes people a lifetime to do. That is, you have touched the hearts of people who love you and people who don't even know you. That is a special gift that not everyone can experience. "
This past week has been busy with hospice coming in and friends and family coming over to help. We did have two days that people stopped by between 1-2 to say hello to Caitlyn and she loved it. She is not able to express her smiles as easily any more but I can see it in her eyes. Friday Krista Budzisz, and Lynn Klein brought over a wonderful picnic. We sat on the front lawn and greeted everyone that came to say hi. It was a perfect day.
All the cards that people have been sending are wonderful. The kids love them. It's amazing what mail can do for the spirit of a child. Again it's the simple things that make us feel loved. Thank you to everyone who has stopped by to say hi, or take the boys out for a day of fun at the pool Ann Cygnar, or the movies Kate Duncan, Barbara Held. And of course the Grandparents and Aunt Margaret and Cindy. Thanks for the day at the pool Cindy's aunt and uncle Don and Betty. Thank you everyone. Please continue to pray for our strength to build our bridge and make the journey across it. As one wise little girl told me I needed to do.
Kara
